Lucy leaned against the rock and glanced at her team. “Alright, so getting past the guard will be tricky since he’s that legendary fairy that all women will fall in love with upon sight. “ She pointed. “So, Sky and Jon it’s up to you two.”

Jon coughed. “Uh yeah, no. It can’t be me.”

Lucy raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

Jon rubbed the back of his neck. “I wasn’t planning on telling you like this, but I’m gay.”

Lucy blinked. “Oh, uh, okay.”  She gave a nod. “Right, so that won’t work-”

Marge raised her hand. “Trixie and I won’t be affected by him since she’s asexual and I’m a lesbian.”

Lucy blinked as her jaw dropped. “What? How did I not know about-” She took a deep breath. “Never mind, it’s good I know now and that solves that problem. Now all I have to worry about is getting past the magic wall.” 

She brought out the book. “And the issue there is that the spell says neither man nor woman can go through-Sky, why are you raising your hand?”

Sky gave a chuckle. “Um, thing is I recently realized I’m non-binary so I should be able to get through that easily.”

Lucy chewed her bottom lip, reached into her bag and brought out her calendar. “Okay, after this mission is done I’m scheduling us for some team bonding because it’s clear I need to catch up on a few things.”

Villain raised an eyebrow. “Could you repeat that?”

Hero sighed. “Could you please be my plus one for my sister’s wedding.”

Villin blinked. Nope, they had heard that correctly. “Did you get cloned again? Where’s the real Hero?”

Hero growled as he crossed his arms. “No-Look, my sister is getting married and if I don’t bring a date my mom is going to try to set me up with my ex again and I would rather avoid that.”

Villain grasped their chin. “And...I was your best option?”

Hero blushed. “I-I haven’t had much time to date,” he shot Villain a glare, “especially since I’m always trying to catch you.”

“Alright, alright, no need to get testy,” Villain said as they placed their hands behind their back and pondered it over. Hero fidgeted slightly, but to his credit didn't say anything until the Villain finally spoke again. “I will gladly be your ‘date’.”

Hero frowned. “I’m sensing a ‘but’ here and I’m not desperate enough to break any laws for you.”

“No, no,” Villain said and smirked. “My request in return is perfectly within legal grounds.”

“And that is?”

Villain grinned like a cat that had been given cream. “I get to call you ‘Pookie’ for the whole time I’m there with you.”

Hero blushed. “W-why would you want that?”

“Because seeing you get flustered and embarrassed every time I do it will be hilarious.” Villain examined their hand. “Of course, you could always find someone else if you’re not willing.”

Hero chewed his bottom lip, rapidly tapped his foot in thought and then finally stomped hard. “Arrg, fine! But no recordings.”

“My memory will be enough,” Villain said as they wrapped an arm around Hero and smiled. “Shall we make sure to get matching nail polish?”

Hero’s silently glared and sighed. “As long as it’s not red.”

The vampire sipped her tea as she glanced over to the three werewolves. “I’ve always wondered, who’s the alpha?”

The two male werewolves paused and glanced at each other in confusion as the female tilted her head.

“Pardon?” she asked.

“The alpha wolf,” the vampire repeated as she lowered her cup. “I was never certain it was either Frank, Mark or you, Alice.”

Mark crossed his arms. “That’s not a thing.”

The vampire frowned. “It’s not?”

Alice nodded. “Yeah, it’s not an actual thing. The researcher who came up with it originally realized he was wrong and spent years trying to correct it.”

“Oh, my apologies then,” the vampire replied.

Frank leaned back in his chair. “I don’t know, Mark can be really bossy when the three of us-”

Alice jumped on him while Mark covered his hand over his mouth.

“No need to go into that,” Alice hissed.

Frank blinked and shrugged. “What I was going to say shopping.”

The werewolves blushed as the vampire did her best to resist from laughing.

This one was inspired by this old tumblr post

The siren was getting rather impatient. She had been singing for close to an hour now, but so far not one sailor from the ship had dived in to be with her. The siren sang about how beautiful she was. How soft her lips were and how wonderful it feel to be with her.

She could understand if they had plugged their ears with cotton, but considering they could hear each other just fine that couldn’t be the case.

Just what was-

“Excuse me,” one of the sailors called out from the ship. “We don’t mean to be rude, but do you think you could at least change the song for a change of pace?”

The siren’s eyes twitched as she splashed her tail in the water. “I will do no such thing until one of my song gets one of you to jump off that ship.”

The sailor sighed. “Yeah, no, that’s not going to happen.”

The siren huffed. “And why’s that?”

“Because after the last three ships the captain decided it was easier for her to only hire asexuals for this route.”

The siren blinked. “What?”

The sailor shrugged. “I mean, Johnny and Molly looked a bit interested, but not enough for either of them to get drowned over.”

The siren thought for a moment. “How do you feel about pasta and garlic bread?”

A look of panic washed over the sailor and shouted over his shoulder. “QUICK! BREAK OUT THE COTTON!”

“Look, all families are different. Some are you, and a mom and a dad. Some are you, and two moms or two dads. Some are you, a witch and orc who got married, a dragon and a wizard.”

“Yeah, okay fine, but how do the talking coat rack and chair fit in?”

“Oh, yeah that was a spell that went haywire. We just think of them as the old married couple of the group.”

“That just raises more questions.”

The dwarf ran a hand through her beard as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. “Darling, I can’t decide what color to dye my beard.”

The elf glanced up from their book. “What colors do you like best?”

“I like them all.”

The elf shrugged as they rose and stood next to their wife. “Then do a rainbow.”

The dwarf frowned. “Why a rainbow?”

“Because you look cute in all of the colors and it makes you happy.”

The dwarf blushed. “Is that enough reason to do it?”

“It is for me,” the elf smirked as they kissed her cheek.